The Most Profound Bond
by Sharona1981
Summary: Dean remembers Castiel. Better summary in the fic itself so I hope you read on...


**The Most Profound Bond**

OK, first of all, I'm fairly new to the Supernatural 'verse, so this may be five different flavours of crap. If so, my apologies. Season 7 has just begun here in Ireland, and I've just witnessed Castiel's demise and it's _so_not fair. I just hope the gorgeous Misha Collins will return-it wouldn't be the same without him. Anyway, I'm digressing...the lyrics in this fic are taken from the song 'Viva La Vida' by Coldplay-I just find the words appropriate for Cas' development over Season 6 and into Season 7. This is my first SPN fic, so...no shooting or threats of violence of any kind, okay? Thanks. :) Dean's POV. Angsty, not fluffy, sadly. Set approx. 3 months after S7, EP2 . I own nothing-wish I owned Cas though,lol!

_"...It was the wicked and wild wind, _

_Blew down the doors to let me in. _

_Shattered windows and the sound of drums-_

_People couldn't believe what I'd become. _

_Revolutionaries wait for my head on a silver plate; _

_Just a puppet on a lonely string-_

_Oh, who would ever wanna be King?..." _

Dean has spent the months following Cas' death trying to understand, trying to piece everything together. He knows that Cas betrayed him, lied to him, to him and Sammy and Bobby. But he did it for the right reasons, and there is no question that Dean has already forgiven him. He was trying to save them, but instead his friend was...violated, taken over by the Leviathan, and ripped apart from the inside by Purgatory's souls.

Dean is standing by the lake; he comes often, Castiel's trenchcoat clutched in his hand, hoping for a miracle. A miracle that never happens.

He's gone. Cas is _gone_, and he is trying so damned hard to accept that, to let him go, but it's so hard. It's so _unfair_.

Okay, Cas made a bad call, a bad call that incidentally almost got them all killed. But he knows Cas and he knows the angel would never hurt any of them intentionally.

Doesn't make his death any easier though.

He remembers Cas' apology, right before the Leviathan took him. He remembers his promise, to redeem himself.

All words uttered in vain.

And he remembers Cas after-only, it wasn't Cas at all. Cas never spoke like that, never smiled like that, never looked so greedy and desperate and..._insane_.

_"This is going to be so much __**fun.**__"_

Dean winces at the memory of those words, that maniacal laughter, Cas' handsome face twisted into a hateful sneer, his body oozing blood as the souls he'd collected from Purgatory threatened to blow him apart. Well, okay, in actuality, it was _Jimmy's_ face, _Jimmy's_ body...but that was neither here nor there. Jimmy Novak was as dead as Cas now.

Watching a friend, someone he cared about more than even he'd wanted to admit, filled to bursting with souls, forced into that lake, obliterated in front of his eyes as the Leviathan burst forth from him...it was almost too much to take.

Still _is._

He's still holding onto the damn coat too, holding onto the one physical piece of Cas he has left. Which is totally ridiculous, considering the fact that it wasn't even really Cas' coat, but Jimmy's. But somehow, the beige garment, which, to Dean, is ugly as Hell anyway (and he would know), is still part of the angel. It's part of his friend. His friend, who lifted him from Hell, who saved him, who stood by him, who defied God, his own father, and his family, for Dean, for Sam.

Until Cas decided that _he_ was God, instead.

But Dean doesn't want to remember Cas like that. He wants to remember him as the determined, sometimes extremely annoying, angel he was.

The _brother_ he was.

He comes here too, because he can't stand the sympathetic looks he keeps getting from Bobby and Sam. Oh sure, they cared about Cas too...but not like Dean did. _Does._

Cas said himself once that they had a 'profound bond', which was embarrassing to Dean at the time, especially since he said it in front of his baby brother, but now...he _gets_ it.

Their bond was more profound than Dean ever knew. Probably Castiel as well.

"I miss you, Cas." He whispers to the still water of the lake, wiping at his leaking eyes. "You dumb, stubborn son of a bitch." He still talks like this all the time, talks to Cas, still hopes against ever-dimming hope that one day, he'll get an answer.

But apparently, that day is not today.

_Okay, this was more angsty than I thought it would be, to be honest. Still, reviews, as always, are welcome. :)_


End file.
